Embarrassment

This post was about an incident that occurred Saturday, December 28, 2013.

As I have told many of you here, I have bowel problems. Well, I had an accident Saturday night while at the AT&T store. I was there for a couple of hours trying to fix an issue that should have taken only minutes to resolve. Anyway, there was a smell. I was embarrassed. It was not immensely strong, but it was noticable.

I skipped taking my tablets for a couple of days. I did not even think it would have that big of an impact. But now, I know.

I will have to take these tablets very regularly, not even missing one day. I cannot risk embarrassing myself and offending others.

Something Good Comes Out of a Mortifying Experience At Work

December 20, 2013

So, a mortifying thing happened to me at work a week ago. I never saw it coming. I felt like I wanted to die when it happened, but I know I handled myself well.

Over the summer, I bought this cheap backpack. I bought it for the sole purpose of keeping my diapers and other related supplies in it. The backpack cost about $30. It was thin and cloth-like, and I liked the texture.

Unfortunately, last week, it busted. The bottom of it tore open in the front, right corner, and some of my diapers, a tube of diaper rash cream, some individually wrapped wipes, my Nullo tablets and a can of my spray to hide the odor fell on the floor near my desk.

I froze, and I felt my face growing hot and my eyes brimming up with tears. I swallowed hard. It was not something I was ready for my coworkers to know.

You might think, Why wouldn't you want them to know? You are brave. You talk about it all the time. You share your stories. You're so open, so brave.

Well, believe it or not, there are days I do not feel so brave. And there are times when it is hard to tell some people. There are situations I have found myself in that are totally awkward. I have these feelings and troubles because it is considered shameful to have accidents and not be able to control your bladder and bowels.

But I force myself to handle it. I force myself to tell it shamelessly because someone has to do it. Someone has to break down the walls of stigma so people in the future will not have to feel so awkward, embarrassed and ashamed.

I felt a number of things. I felt like melting into the floor, never to be seen again. I felt like crying. I felt like even dying. I felt like running and never coming back. But I knew I could not do any of those things. It wouldn't be practical.

I had to be brave. I had to face this situation like it was no big deal.

I told myself, "You are the advocate. You are tough. You are strong. After all, it is you who has to pave the way for people to accept this condition. You have to get rid of the shame and the stigma. You should not be ashamed. It is not your fault. You did not ask to be like this. So, stand tall and be strong."

After saying those things to myself, I proceeded to get down on the floor and pick up my things. People around me were sympathetic. Nobody was judgmental at all.

What is cool is that my little incident resulted in a coworker wanting to help me with my Stigma Warriors YouTube channel. She told me she had a lot of respect for the fact that I handle myself so bravely and that she wanted to assist me in my efforts.

While that incident was so mortifying and embarrassing, something good came out of it. Now, I will have someone to help me do the videos for my channel. I guess it is true that good does come out of the bad.

But I hope that does not happen to me again anytime soon.

About My Updates

Well, I am going to be doing some updates. I know they are a long time in coming. However, I have been busy and contending with Chronic fatigue. Not to mention, I have been having a lot of joint pain due to the bad weather here. Once I am finished contending with all of that and doing my fulltime job, I have no energy for much else.

The post updates are going to follow many different dates on which the events have taken place. I will put the dates in the tops of each post.

Catch Up Time

Okay, I know it has been awhile, but here is to catching up on this blog. It is time for new content. As a matter of fact, it is long overdue.

Throughout the day, I am going to post some posts that have been written about experiences that have taken place in the last couple of months or so. I hope you enjoy them.

Keeping Odor At Bay with Bowel Incontinence

I have had some questions about how to get rid of the odor when you have bowel problems. Well, since this is a popular question that my readers keep messaging me about, I figure just may as well answer it here.

1.       If you want to remove odor from your stools, take Nullo tablets. These act as an internal deodorant and will take away odor in approximately two weeks.

2.       You need to drink a lot of water and eat more vegetables than you do meats. Meats really make your bowels have an odor.

3.       Use fragrant sprays and powders if you do not have allergies to them. Home Delivery Incontinence Supplies has some awesome sprays in different scents that you can buy. You spray your diapers with these before you put them on. This also helps to mask that embarrassing odor.

4 To keep your trash can smelling fresh, spray air freshener in the trash bag after you have changed it and before you put any diapers in it. I have found scents, like apple cinnamon, pumpkin spice and just plain old cinnamon really good at keeping the smells down.

5.       When you change your diapers, tie them up in plastic bags. You can purchase trash bags for small trash cans and keep them on hand for diaper changes, go to Babies R Us and purchase the box of plastic bags especially for diaper disposal, use your leftover plastic shopping bags or use any other old plastic bags you have lying around the house.

These tips are excellent at keeping away the stares and the whispers. People will not even know you have a problem.

Reflections on a Past Experience

I will tell you a story that involved me sticking up for someone being teased only about three years ago or so. I was at my friend's daughter's Head Start facility, waiting for her to get out of her class. There was this little boy, maybe about three years of age, who was still in diapers. I heard the teachers talking out in the open about it. They said his mom sent him in diapers because some medication he was on was giving him diarrhea. The little boy was crying because he needed his diaper changed, and one of the teachers harshly said to him in a loud voice, "You need to wait and be quiet. You should not even be wearing diapers anyway. You're too old."

 My heart ached for the boy because I knew how he felt, and the poop was likely irritating his bottom, especially if it was diarrhea. I had enough of this bullying and ignorant behavior, and I was determined to show these moronic teachers that age does not determine when someone does or does not wear diapers. I was unable to stand by any longer and watch this go on and walk away and do nothing. I am not one who can stand by and silently watch injustice. I have to get involved. The Bible says so, anyway.

 I jumped up from where I was sitting, swung my diaper bag over my shoulder and opened it up. I pulled out one of my diapers in full view, saying, "You know? I got an F in toilet training! I am 26 and still have to wear diapers. I have a medical problem. I can't control my bladder at all, and I sometimes poop myself. So, stop bullying that little boy and change his diaper, so he can be comfortable. I know how it feels to sit in diarrhea when I do it on myself and can't get to a place to change fast enough. If I knew who his parents were, I’d tell them how you are treating their child. You should be ashamed of yourself!" I said it loud enough so all the parents, staff and anyone else could hear, and I swung my diaper around in the air, so all could see it. Everyone was silent. I had the attention of all in the waiting area.

 Seconds after my outburst, the boy was taken into the bathroom and changed. Other teachers and parents came up to me and asked me about how incontinence impacted my life. I politely answered their questions. I also got a number of comments from other parents and teachers about how brave I was and how I’d be one who stands up and makes changes for the better someday. I also got a few hugs from some.

I felt so proud of myself. Not only was it a teachable moment, it was a moment when I could stand up for someone who was helpless and could not stand up for himself. Children are the most helpless people of them all, and I cannot stand by and watch one get mistreated without doing something.

An Update About My Week

This is a post that is an update for the last week of September.

Hello to all of my readers. I definitely did not forget about my blog. I still love all of you guys and have a lot to tell you. I have just been too sick and busy. The sick part is because I am on my treatment to get my Chronic Candida under control, and the treatment makes me feel horrible. The good news is that I am nearing the end of it, and I feel good. Hmmmmmmm, where to begin.

1. I had a crazy week with the bowels again. Yup, that sometimes happens. I had diarrhea like every single day. I do not understand, my bowels pick the time they want to act up, and they do it for no reason. I did try to eat different foods and I tried taking different things out of my diet. Yeah, it helps some, but not totally. I still have bowel issues, and when they want to act crazy, they do. Just when I think I have this problem licked with some special diet, I realize just how much I really don't.

2. The Diabetic-like urinating has gone away. While my bladder is still very much overactive—that will never be cured unless some cure is ever found, I have stopped urinating as much as I have been previously. My urine also does not have the sweet smell anymore, probably because the yeast and harmful fungal bacteria is dying off in my body. I am glad to not be filling up a diaper every two hours. And yes, it is no exaggeration. I was really filling up good, absorbent diapers every two hours, and that is not the norm at all.

3. I have been pondering what I am going to do with my Stigma Warriors channel on YouTube. I established that channel to help shed light on diseases and conditions that are highly stigmatized. I just have to plan out how I am going to get things done. I need someone to help film for starters. I do know what I am going to talk about, though, for my first few videos. And incontinence will definitely be discussed, obviously.

That is all for this week.