Keeping Odor At Bay with Bowel Incontinence

I have had some questions about how to get rid of the odor when you have bowel problems. Well, since this is a popular question that my readers keep messaging me about, I figure just may as well answer it here.

1.       If you want to remove odor from your stools, take Nullo tablets. These act as an internal deodorant and will take away odor in approximately two weeks.

2.       You need to drink a lot of water and eat more vegetables than you do meats. Meats really make your bowels have an odor.

3.       Use fragrant sprays and powders if you do not have allergies to them. Home Delivery Incontinence Supplies has some awesome sprays in different scents that you can buy. You spray your diapers with these before you put them on. This also helps to mask that embarrassing odor.

4 To keep your trash can smelling fresh, spray air freshener in the trash bag after you have changed it and before you put any diapers in it. I have found scents, like apple cinnamon, pumpkin spice and just plain old cinnamon really good at keeping the smells down.

5.       When you change your diapers, tie them up in plastic bags. You can purchase trash bags for small trash cans and keep them on hand for diaper changes, go to Babies R Us and purchase the box of plastic bags especially for diaper disposal, use your leftover plastic shopping bags or use any other old plastic bags you have lying around the house.

These tips are excellent at keeping away the stares and the whispers. People will not even know you have a problem.

Reflections on a Past Experience

I will tell you a story that involved me sticking up for someone being teased only about three years ago or so. I was at my friend's daughter's Head Start facility, waiting for her to get out of her class. There was this little boy, maybe about three years of age, who was still in diapers. I heard the teachers talking out in the open about it. They said his mom sent him in diapers because some medication he was on was giving him diarrhea. The little boy was crying because he needed his diaper changed, and one of the teachers harshly said to him in a loud voice, "You need to wait and be quiet. You should not even be wearing diapers anyway. You're too old."

 My heart ached for the boy because I knew how he felt, and the poop was likely irritating his bottom, especially if it was diarrhea. I had enough of this bullying and ignorant behavior, and I was determined to show these moronic teachers that age does not determine when someone does or does not wear diapers. I was unable to stand by any longer and watch this go on and walk away and do nothing. I am not one who can stand by and silently watch injustice. I have to get involved. The Bible says so, anyway.

 I jumped up from where I was sitting, swung my diaper bag over my shoulder and opened it up. I pulled out one of my diapers in full view, saying, "You know? I got an F in toilet training! I am 26 and still have to wear diapers. I have a medical problem. I can't control my bladder at all, and I sometimes poop myself. So, stop bullying that little boy and change his diaper, so he can be comfortable. I know how it feels to sit in diarrhea when I do it on myself and can't get to a place to change fast enough. If I knew who his parents were, I’d tell them how you are treating their child. You should be ashamed of yourself!" I said it loud enough so all the parents, staff and anyone else could hear, and I swung my diaper around in the air, so all could see it. Everyone was silent. I had the attention of all in the waiting area.

 Seconds after my outburst, the boy was taken into the bathroom and changed. Other teachers and parents came up to me and asked me about how incontinence impacted my life. I politely answered their questions. I also got a number of comments from other parents and teachers about how brave I was and how I’d be one who stands up and makes changes for the better someday. I also got a few hugs from some.

I felt so proud of myself. Not only was it a teachable moment, it was a moment when I could stand up for someone who was helpless and could not stand up for himself. Children are the most helpless people of them all, and I cannot stand by and watch one get mistreated without doing something.

An Unfair Request

As many of you know, I am blind. Because I am blind, this makes me slightly more dependent on people than I like. For example, I need to depend on people to get rides places because blind people cannot drive. The rides thing is going to be the subject of this post. This post is going to be a bit of a rant, so brace yourself.

I was talking to a good friend of mine about how to handle diaper changes on road trips or on long car rides that take an hour or more. She told me that I should just be patient and wait until the driver wants to pull over because asking to pull over every time I want my diaper changed will get annoying, and the chances of me getting invited to go on trips again will likely be nonexistent. My friend said that family and relatives would get annoyed as well and will not really be too big about stopping all the time because they want to get where they want to go. She also told me that if the driver is the type who wants to drive straight through and not pull over, it is okay to ask to pull over once or twice but not to overdo it.

So basically, I am being asked to patiently sit in a wet or messy diaper all for the sake of being polite.

I told her this was so unfair. She said that she understood where I was coming from, but she also proceeded to tell me that babies sit in their diapers all the time until someone can change them, and that is a fact of life for people who have to wear diapers. Then she ended it by saying that it would not kill me to sit in a dirty diaper for up to an hour.

I am not a baby, though. And I think it is wrong to make anyone sit in their diapers just for the sake of convenience or politeness. It is so easy for people who do not wear diapers to say that is what babies and incontinent people should do. I so bet that if they had to wear a diaper, they would not be singing the same tune. They'd beg to have it changed.

I understand not changing a wet diaper right away. They are designed to hold a lot. But as for a soiled one, it should not wait if it does not have to wait. I think it is wrong to expect someone to sit in a dirty diaper when they have the power to pull over the car but are just being lazy. It is so selfish to expect this of babies and incontinent people. How would they like to sit in it?

You would think I would be able to sit in it without any trouble. After all, I have worn diapers for many years. You think I would be used to that by now. But I am not. And sure, I can sit in it if I really have to, but why would I *want* to?

What do you guys think? I am interested to hear your take on this matter. You can state your opinion either way. If you are on the side of my friend, please state why you support this view. Also, explain your reason for supporting my view if you support my view. I look forward to your comments.

Wednesday, August 21, Was Not a Good Day For My Bowels

Wednesday was already a tough day. I ended up over sleeping due to feelling ill because of the medication I am taking to get Chronic Candida under control. I ended up working late to make up for going in late, so I could get the full eight hours in and not lose any money. On top of that, I had a nasty situation occur while changing a really messy diaper.

My bowels were acting up real bad that day. They were runny, the consistency of baby food. I pooped myself real bad, and I went to the bathroom to change in a hurry. I took the diaper off carefully, but mess still got everywhere. It dripped out all over the floor. It also got all over my dress shoes.

I was horrified. I had this huge mess to clean up and had to think fast about how I was going to do it. I was going to get some wet paper towels, but that idea had to go when someone came into the bathroom. So, I set to cleaning myself up, taking off my dress and then cleaning all the mess off the floor and my dress shoes with toilet paper in the nude. The last thing I needed was for my dress to get into the mess. When I got everything up that I could, I used all of my diaper wipes I had with me. Then, I sprayed some of my perfume, so nobody would know. I did not want anyone to have even a hint that something had happened.

When I was certain the lady was out of the bathroom, I put back on my dress and went out of the stall to get a bundle of dry paper towels. I dried up the floor and my dress shoes. When I was done, nobody knew what had happened to me. I was glad. I was not in the mood to deal with any snide comments if people wanted to make them out of ignorance.

Flying Tips for Incontinent People flying to, From Or in america

I felt like contributing this post for people who wish to fly on a plane. I have come up with these tips based on my own personal experiences flying and having to deal with security protocols and such.

1. When you carry diaper rash cream with you, make sure your tube is three ounces or less. If it is not, your cream will be confiscated and thrown away. You always want to carry diaper rash cream with you in case you get that lovely thing we call a diaper rash so suddenly. We are prone to those if we have to fly for some time because it is terrible to try and change a diaper in a plane bathroom. I do not even try because the space is too small. I always wait until I land to change my diapers.

2. Do not carry a large pack or box of baby wipes with you if you do not want to be hassled. When a bunch of wipes are stuck together, like in a pack or a box, it looks like liquid on the scanner. You will be asked to dump out your bags and be subjected to scrutiny. What you need to do is carry some travel sized packs of wipes or a small wipe contain of wipes that you would put in a diaper bag. Or, you can get the individually wrapped reassure wipes from HDIS by calling 1800-269-4663.

3. Make sure your bottle of baby powder is not any bigger than eleven ounces. If the powder is more than eleven ounces, it will be tested with a certain chemical by TSA staff. No, they will not destroy your powder, but they will dump a bit of it on a special test strip and dump your bag to make sure there are no threats. Travel sized or medium sized bottles of powder are more ideal for flying.

I hope that you find these tips helpful. I had to learn these the hard way. Thankfully, the guy checking my stuff was really cool. He and I chatted, and he explained all the protocols to me. I am glad he explained things because I can now share that with you.

A Crazy Week with My Incontinence

This week was crazy with my incontinence issues. I do not even feel like crazy is the word to describe it. I am going to give a brief overview of what happened.

1. On one day, I had diarrhea six times. I had to change my diaper eight times during one workday because of it. I also got a terrible diaper rash as a result. Oh, it was terrible. It hurt so badly.

2. I have been urinating too much. I have been saturating my diapers a lot quicker than I normally do. I still am. I am not sure why.

3. I pooped myself one time while talking to a coworker. I was discussing business while it was happening. I felt real self-conscious about it but was glad nothing smelled. He did not even notice. If he did notice any change in my facial expressions, he never said anything. I hope I did not make facial expressions to give away that something was wrong. I also pooped my diaper while working on my government issued computer. Because I work with classified information, I can never leave that computer unattended. I was troubleshooting the computer and trying to shut it down. Because of all the encryption programs, it was taking some time. I really had to poop badly and was hoping I'd make it to the toilet. I squeezed my butt cheeks together and tried so hard not to lose control. It did not work at all. I messed myself. As soon as the computer was shut down, I locked it in my desk drawer. Then, I ran to the bathroom and changed my diaper.

What a pain. Seriously. What a week. I hope things calm down soon.

I Am Not Sure I Ever Want to Complain Again

I do not know that I can ever complain about having my condition again.

There is this lady who had cancer and ended up losing her large intestines. Because of this, she has to wear a colostomy bag. If that is not bad enough, her bladder was damaged during the surgery. As a result, she cannot pee on her own anymore and has to be emptied using a catheter.

And I cry about having to wear a diaper.

At least my stuff works. At least I do not have an incision in my side and have to wear a bag that can bust or fall off if not careful. And at least I can pee without assistance. I mean, I just go in a diaper. I do not have to worry about dying or getting these terrible infections because my bladder cannot empty. Sure, diapers give me UTIs and yeast infections, but that is minor in comparison with what this lady has to endure.

While I do not like to wear diapers per say, having to wear diapers is a walk in the park compared to someone with those problems. My heart goes out to that lady. I am not going to mention her name here because she would be horrified. I do not want to embarrass her anyhow.

I Love the New Tranquility Smart Core Diapers

A week ago, I received some samples of the new Tranquility smart Core diapers. I loved them so much that I ordered a full shipment and changed my personally delivery plan to these diapers instead of the Slim Lines I was receiving prior.

The Smart Core diapers are right up there with the Tranquility ATN diapers but they have the cloth backing instead of the plastic. Just recently, I have taken a liking to the cloth covered diapers and have forsaken the plastic because they are not as noisy and do not make me sweat so badly.

For a while, Tranquility only made the Slim Lines with the cloth out cover in my size. They are awesome but not quite as absorbent as the Tranquility Smart Core. I liked the absorbency of the Tranquility ATN diapers but did not want to continue to get them because of the plastic. But when I heard about Smart Core--I heard about them from a member in my support group, I just had to try them.

I must say that these adult diapers are the absolute best ones with the cloth outer covering. They do not leak and quickly take the moisture from my skin. They also contain agents in them to keep fungal infections and bacterial infections at bay as well as chemicals to keep PH balanced and control odor. Best of all, they are not even nearly as expensive as the Tranquility ATN diapers, and I do not have to change them as often as the Tranquility Slim Line diapers. With the Tranquility smart Cores, I feel more confident and comfortable.

Tranquility is an awesome company. Tranquility diapers are made to fit people of all body shapes. Some brands are only designed to fit people with a specific shaped figure, such as an out-glass figure, and they do not work for others who do not have that specific that the diapers are designed to fit. With Tranquility, there is no guesswork, and you can get these diapers and feel confident that they will work and fit well.

I recommend Tranquility Smart Core diapers to anyone who needs to wear diapers.

Pooping Myself at Work on August 1, 2013

It happened to me last week on August 1. I was finishing my lunch, when I felt like I had to poop. Whenever I do, I get this bad stomach ache. It has always hurt when I had to go since like the age of seven. People say it is not normal for it to hurt, but it is my normal, and I have gotten used to that.

I gathered up my things, and I began walking fast. I was sitting outside eating my lunch and was at work. Before I got to the door of the office building to go inside, it happened. I pooped myself. Thank God I already wear diapers twenty-four/seven for my overactive bladder.

Now, I felt really self-conscious. I could not smell any odor--the diapers I wear do a really good job at masking it. I was so afraid someone else would. I really got self-conscious when I got on the elevator. I thought I was going on the elevator alone, but two other women got on with me. I was so tempted to just jump off at the last second, but I did not want to draw any unnecessary attention to myself or have to explain anything. I wonder if I had an embarrassed look on my face. I know that my face felt hot, so I am sure I was blushing badly. But since we live in such a polite society where we are taught as adults to mind our own business for the most part, not too many people would have said anything, even if they did notice something was awry. However, they would not hesitate to go and talk about me behind my back to others. I wonder what they would say to their friends and coworkers.

I held my breath until I got to the sixth floor. That was where my office was. I moved to the third floor this Thursday, August 8, because there is where our team was moved. I got off the elevator as fast as I could (Perhaps, the women would just figure I was trying to hurry back to my desk after break like so many others do.). I got my diaper bag, and I ran to the bathroom. 

I set to changing myself. It was difficult because I had to try to keep my dress out of the way. I was so tempted to just take it off and hang up until I cleaned the mess off myself. But, I managed to keep it free of getting messed up. I also had to work hard at cleaning myself because there was a gooey mess everywhere. Lately, the consistency of my bowels has been strange. It's not firm or runny, though, it is close to diarrhea.

After I was done, I hurried back to work. Nobody said anything, and I am so glad.

Disappointments and Letdowns

Wow! I really have not posted to this blog in a long time. I thought I had updated about my meds failing. I guess that is what happens when you get so busy. Anyhow, here is my post ranting about the most recent failure.

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So, here it is. I am so disappointed. Success with Enablex was short lived, and I am back to the twenty-four/seven diaper wearing. I thought I was going to be able to tolerate it, but my body rejected once again. I kept getting severely constipated after a period of time on the meds, and the nausea was excruciating. The longest I lasted was approximately a month.

My doctor tried to prescribe me another med. It has no generic and costs over $200 a month, even with my insurance. That is a joke. I do not want to spend that kind of money just for another med to fail on me. After that, there is no hope for me and this overactive bladder of mine.

I am bummed. I feel let down. I thought for sure I was going to be liberated. What is it going to take for me to have a normal life? Is that too much to ask? Really? I have all of this underwear I cannot even wear. I might as well just donate it to the thrift store or some poor folks who are desperately in need. I did not wear it all that long. Or, should I hold onto it for the next time there may be some fake-me-out success? I am so tired of being a part of this vicious cycle of success and fail, success and fail. I am tired of riding this roller coaster. I want to get off, for goodness sakes!

Some people tell me to just accept it. They try and tell me it can't be that bad and that there are worse things that can happen, like cancer and having a terminal illness. I suppose that is true, but it does not change the fact I have to live with this freaking yoke that smothers me. Granted that diapers allow me to lead a productive life, socializing with friends, working, being active outside the house and traveling. But, diapers are also a form of bondage to me. Diapers cause hassles that people who are without incontinence never have to face, such as diaper rash and yeast infections that occur often. If you have sensitive skin like I do, then it can be a whole barrel of fun. I also find diapers inconvenient sometimes because the rest rooms are not really set up to allow discrete disposal of them, so others cannot see, and the stalls are so small. Not to mention, you have to find a place to change when you are out. And things are going to be real interesting when I fly to Florida this summer. I wonder if I am going to have to strip because I am wearing one. That will be humiliating, as if incontinence is not already humiliating enough.

As far as accepting my condition is concerned, I have. What some fail to realize is that there is a difference between accepting and liking. One can accept having AIDS, but it does not mean they love having it. It does not mean that they won't have bad days and feel down on themselves. Healthy people are so clueless! They understand nothing of having a chronic problem. So, it is so easy for them to spout out of their mouths what we need to be doing. I have a feeling it if were them, they'd be crying about it like we do. They'd have good and bad days like we do. They'd be singing a much different tune. Then where will their praises about just accepting it, chilling out and getting over it be found then? Well, they won't.

I have accepted my condition enough to the point that I am very open about it. That is obvious, since I post my feelings, my triumphs and my failures with incontinence on this public blog and share the posts on Facebook. I am comfortable talking about it. I am not ashamed of it. However, that does not mean I love urinating on myself or love having to wear diapers. I have my good and my bad days. I sometimes cry and complain, and by golly, I am more than entitled to do that.

I also want to help others who have this condition get to a place in their lives where they can feel confident about themselves and have the courage to lead normal lives. Incontinence causes many to become reclusive because they are too embarrassed to leave their homes. There is so much shame and stigma surrounding this condition, and it all starts with the things that children are told during potty training, like underwear equals big boy or girl and diapers equal baby, potty equals good and accident equals bad. Being the spokes person for my condition and working hard to educate the public and break down the walls of stigma and shame is the way that I cope with having this condition. It gives me purpose and allows me to forget my feelings for a bit, provides a release for me and enables me to feel good by helping others.

I do want to end my post by saying that I am thankful for a supportive family. My family never judges my condition, and they never ridicule me. I am truly blessed because many with incontinence are not so fortunate. Some have been brutally embarrassed by parents and relatives because their families feel like they can help it and are doing this stuff on purpose and for attention. I cannot tell you how many horror stories I have heard during my time as an advocate and educator. Some are so heartbreaking and even disgusting. This is what keeps me doing what I do. and while I have been ridiculed and persecuted for talking about my condition so openly, it just demonstrates to me all the more that there is a need for people who have courage to stand up, go against the grain and show the world that incontinence is a health problem like anything else, and it should not be so stigmatized.

　
　
　

My Work Situation is So Ideal

This post was supposed to be posted on the 29th of May; however, that was not possible. I have been immensely busy, so I am posting all of these posts now to catch up on my blogging.

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I started my first day of work. Let me tell you that I absolutely love my job and the people there. I mean, I cannot ask for anything better. There is nothing like loving what you do and being able to get along with everyone there.

What is also nice is there are facilities for me to use to properly dispose of my diapers. There are nice sanitary bins in the stalls for women to use to throw away their napkins and tampons, and my diapers fit nicely in there. I was prepared to take along brown paper lunch bags and dispose of them in the communal trash can that is near the paper towels; however, I am glad to know I will not need to do that.

While I do not mind who knows about my incontinence problem, it is nice to be able to throw away my diapers discretely, so I will not have to engage in dialogue when I am in a hurry. I have no problem stopping to talk to people about my problem. After all, education is the key to reducing the stigma. But when time is a commodity, I cannot always do that.

I cannot ask for a more ideal work situation. Life is awesome! And Jehovah God is so good!

Finally True Success

Well, finally, the Enablex on the 15MG dose is working well for me. It took me awhile for me to write this post because I wanted to be sure. I did not want to proclaim success when it would only be false hopes.

As you know from previous postings, I have had problems when trying to adjust to this higher dose. I suffered severe constipation and stomach pains. After going on and off the meds seven different times and giving significantly long stents of time in between, my body finally took to the drugs.

Now, I feel great!

My bladder, I think since I never have had a normal working bladder in my entire life, is working as it must. I can go a few hours now without needing to go to the bathroom, accept for when I drink tea, soda, water, coffee and hot chocolate. This I hear is normal, so I am not alarmed when this happens.

The bed wetting is not eradicated one hundred percent, though, and I still need to wear diapers to bed as a precautionary measure. When I need to go, sometimes, my bladder gives me the proper signals, and I get up and go to the bathroom like everyone else. Other times, I am not so fortunate.

I hope and pray these drugs always work for me. If they do not, I will be sure to let you all know.

Evaluating My Situation

For the past couple of days or so, I have been sitting here and evaluating my situation as to why the 7.5MG dose of the Enablex drugs were not doing their trick in the past six months or so. As you have seen in previous posts, the meds were doing me a lot of good and allowing me to function normally. I did not have to wear diapers at all, and I could hold my bladder normally. Now, things are different. There were some things that stood out to me that were different that I feel may have influenced the effectiveness of the medication in these past six months or so.

1. I have been under significant stress from August until now, significant stress. I have had financial stress because my job was not panning out like I thought. Things are getting better there, though, so I hope to see that stress disappear soon.

2. I had increased in my consumption of fountain sodas. Fountain sodas always went right through me, so this is likely contributing to why I’d frequently go to the bathroom on the 7.5MG dose since summer or so.

3. I have also significantly increased my consumption of coffee, hot chocolate and tea in the past several months. I love all three of these beverages; however, I am wondering if I will either have to curve my consumption of these or stop it altogether.

4. I have even had the occasional energy drink from time to time as a means of battling the chronic fatigue when it rears its ugly head.

I am wondering now if all of these factors are not present, including the stress that things will improve on the 7.5 again and get back to what was. When I was first on that dose, as you all have seen from past posts, I felt liberated. There were no frequent bathroom visits and periodic wetting accidents at night. I am almost certain I am right about these four factors influencing the effectiveness of the meds based on all of the literature I have read over the years; however, it will be a while before I will have a chance to consult with my doctor about this. I currently do not have insurance, and I do not want to pay a gigantic price just to ask some questions at an appointment. My husband did send the check for the premium, and the insurance should become active once it is received. Now, it is just a matter of waiting.

I do still have the 15MG pills, and I can alternate between the 7.5 and the 15MG pills to see if I can get my body used to the higher dose, like the doctor said to do. The thing is that the 15MG dose caused me severe constipation and stomach pains, and I know these are side effects of the meds. If I can afford to take time off work, like a week or so, I may be able to try something, but that is not seeming practical for my present circumstances. What I will try differently if I do this again is to increase my fiber intake to see if the constipation and the stomach pains will be nonexistent. On the 15MG dose, I was not wetting the bed periodically, and the other three factors I mentioned were not causing any issues. If I can eventually get the 15MG dose to work for me, I can cope with the stress and still have all my beverages that I want. I will not have to make any sacrifices, except for the sodas which I have already given up due to dietary restrictions. I really do not miss them, but the hot chocolate another drinks, I want to continue drinking them. We shall see.

The Latest Happenings

Lately, I have been so busy. My husband is home from the military service, and I am scramming for money because my one job contract did not work out as planned. God is good, though, and the boss I have with the organization I am contracted with is still looking out for me. I am also trying to get things situated, so I have no down time with my business. I do have the backup Internet connection. Now, I need at least two backup computers. Since my business is online, these are necessary steps to take.

Anyway, on to the latest happenings. Things are not as I thought with the meds. I have been taking 7.5MG of Enablex. On this dosage, I have enjoyed complete daytime control, though, the bathroom usage was frequent. I would have occasional nighttime accidents. I was wearing a diaper to bed every night to avoid wetting the bed. However, I wanted to try seeing if upping the dose would make things better.

I talked to my doctor, and he agreed to up me to the 15MG dose. I was on that does for three days and suffered severe constipation and excruciating stomach pains. After speaking with the doctor's office, I was told to get off the meds (I stopped even before I talked to the office staff because I just could not take it anymore, and my husband did not want me to continue to suffer, either.), and then I was to start back slowly, alternating between the 7.5MG and 15MG doses every other day. I am supposed to watch and see how my body responds. I hope it responds well because I really wish to be free of the diapers altogether. If I do not respond well, then I am just going to have to remain on the 7.5MG dose that I have always been on because it does not cause any side effects, and I will just have to wear diapers at night and on very long trips where bathroom access is not going to be easily had.

No doubt, I do feel really down about the whole thing. I feel like I am back where I started, back at square one. I am wearing the diapers twenty-four/seven again until I get things under control. I did not want to do this, but I had no choice.

　

My Enablex Experience Thus Far

So, while I have enjoyed success with Enablex, I invariably have suffered from the most common side effects that I have read about, a bladder infection and a kidney infection.

At first, I thought I was smooth sailing. I thought, Jee, it is so great to take the med and only have the most mildest side affect, a dry mouth. But the fun really began a month after taking the med.

It began when I felt like I had to pee constantly. I was so annoyed. I'd go to the bathroom, and then I would try to go again, just to see if I could get rid of that annoying feeling of always feeling like I had to go. After it went on for a few days, it occurred to me that I had a UTI of sorts.

I went to the doctor and took a urinalysis. Sure enough, I was right. I had abladder infection. I was prescribed antibiotics. A couple of weeks later, I developed a kidney infection.

I am fighting that kidney infection right now, as a matter of fact. I had this infection since this past Friday. I did not go to the doctor for it because I had enough antibiotics left over. Thank God, too, because I really did not feel like going to the doctor's.

Some of my friends asked me if I would discontinue taking the Enablex. I told them that I would not because I enjoy having full control of my bladder and love not having to rely on diapers. The infections are annoying; however, I can deal with them. What I think I am going to do is dramatically increase my daily water intake and drink some pure cranberry juice on a regular basis. I am sure that if I do that, the infections will be kept to a minimum or decrease until there are none at all.

I am going to have to discontinue taking Enablex when I become pregnant and when I breastfeed, though. It is not at all recommended to take Enablex when pregnant. As a matter of fact, I am not going to take *any* meds when pregnant, even those that doctors deem okay. Doctors say you can take some meds when pregnant, but I will not take any because I refuse to put any chemicals into my baby's body. I will not have to worry about any of that for a while because I do not plan to get pregnant any time soon.

My First Official Day of Potty Training

Well, my first official day of potty training has not gone well.

First, I had so many accidents, six to be exact. I did stick to my bathroom schedule, but I had the accidents in between. This is certainly not an indication that I am ready to wear underwear for any length of time.

Second, I am having trouble getting used to using the toilet again. I mean, you have to think. I have been using diapers completely for seven years. Now, I have to train my brain and my bladder to communicate with one another again, so I can get the signal and go to the bathroom and not in the diaper. This involves a lot of concentration, so I am not able to get heavily involved with any kind of task. This includes my work.

I can now truly understand from an adult's point of view why toddlers dread potty training. It is so frustrating, and it can be very discouraging when you have a lot of accidents. I mean, it can make you feel really bad and shameful. I know that it does that to me. If I did not have the motivation to be normal and be free of the severe inconvenience of diapers, I'd so not care to deal with this. I am not giving up, though. I do not expect this to be easy, and I was told it would be difficult. I am going to hang in there because I know that it is worth it. Unlike a child who finds candy and other toys to be good incentive to remaining accident free, a trip to the spa for a full day pampering will be mine.

I wonder what tomorrow will be like. I do not count on it being any better than today because it can take up to two weeks before I see any results.
　

Hope for Normalcy

I promised that I would let you guys know how things went at the urologist today. To tell you the truth, things went well. It seems that there will be hope for me being able to control my bladder.

There is a new medication that is used for overactive bladder called Enablex. Unlike the other medications that are prescribed to treat overactive bladder, this one is specifically for this condition and this condition alone. I have been put on this medication at 7.5 milligrams and will be evaluated over a two week period to see how it works for me.

Along with the medication, I am expected to be on a voiding schedule to retrain myself to use the toilet again. I have to make myself use the bathroom every two hours. Even if I cannot go when I sit on the toilet, I have to sit there until I go. It is very similar to potty training a toddler. Also, when I am urinating, I have to try to stop my urine stream. The doctor said that I would see progress within a two week period. I certainly hope so, anyhow.

This process is going to be frustrating because it is going to be hard to do work having to stop often to retrain my bladder. It is worth it, though, if it means that I will eventually get to enjoy normalcy. During this time, it is going to be difficult to do work or go out anywhere because I have to be near a bathroom, until I get to a point where I can hold it and not have any accidents, and I am going to have to stop to go often.

After I get daytime down, then I have to work on not wetting the bed. I will have to wake up every two hours during the night. I will be doing this, until I can stay dry all night long.

I do not expect this to be a quick process. I also do not expect to get out of diapers quickly, either. It is going to take time to get to a point where complete control happens. Until I am confident that I can hold it for a long period of time, I will more than likely still use diapers when I go out and when I go to sleep. I have to have two consecutive months of complete dryness every single day and night before I am confident that I can completely wear underwear. I do not want any embarrassing accidents while out in public--I had my share of those--and I do not want to wet the bed. I am sure my husband will appreciate the precautions I am taking because I am one hundred percent sure he will not want to wake up in a wet bed. Quite frankly, I do not, either.

Now, even if I can attain complete control, I am still going to keep all the diapers I have left over. I am for the following reasons:

*Even if the medication works, there is a chance my body will get used to it, and it will stop working in the future. This is a risk with any medication.

*If and when I get pregnant, I will have to discontinue the use of the medication. This medication is still new, and it is not known if it will harm an unborn child or not. Personally, I will not take the meds, even if it is safe because I do not want to put any chemicals into my baby's body for any reason.

*I cannot take the medication if I decide to breastfeed because it is not known whether or not it can pass through breast milk. I only want to breastfeed because I do not want my babies drinking formula. Formula is artificial nutrition, and it is processed with chemicals, and I do not want anything artificial in the bodies of any of my children. Even if I cannot breastfeed, I will consult a milk bank or some other form of natural nutrition. But I will do every single thing in my power to breastfeed, like consuming twice the amount of fluids, eat a balanced diet, and do any other recommended thing to insure ample milk production. Most moms do not know this stuff, hence the reason so many women nowadays have so many problems with their milk production. Not to mention, feeding a baby on demand will also help with milk production. Sticking to a feeding schedule, something that is not good for babies' growth and development, will cause there to be problems with milk production. Many pediatricians continue to give moms the flawed advice to put their babies on feeding schedules inevitably causing milk to fail and babies to be put on the bottle and be fed that nasty formula. Thankfully, the benefits of feeding the baby on demand are becoming more widely known.

*the condition may worsen over time. If this happens, I will either have to increase the meds I am on or take something different. The surgeries are out of the question, and even my doctor agrees with that.

For now, I will work on getting myself to remain dry, and I will enjoy wearing sexy underwear while I can.

　

One Last Try At Being Normal: Taking a Trip to the Urologist to See About My Overactive Bladder

This week, I am going to attempt to go back to the urologist to do something about my overactive bladder. As many of you who read my blog know, I have been completely urinary incontinent for seven years now. I have depended on diapers to manage my incontinence. The last few doctors I've seen, one included a urologist, told me that there was nothing I could do for my condition, thus I would have to wear diapers for the rest of my life. I previously accepted that. Last year, though, things changed.

I got tired of just accepting that nothing could be done for my overactive bladder, so I talked the matter over with my primary care doctor. He told me that he could try me on Ditropan to see how it would work. Now, I took Ditropan when I was eleven years old for a brief period, but I had some negative effects from the medication. I started sleep walking, had hallucinations, and had terrible nightmares. I was taken off of it after a week of being on it. I told my primary care doctor about this, and he told me that I had nothing to worry about because it had been so long since I took the medication, and things would be different, since I was an adult. He also told me that these reactions were common in children. I agreed to try the medication again.

Ditropan did seem to work somewhat. I noticed that the amount of times I had to urinate were less frequent. I even found it possible to make it to the bathroom somewhat, but I still had a lot of accidents. I also found that accidents would happen when I was focused on things, like my work. Perhaps, this happened because I was so used to going in the diaper, and I had not used the toilet for so long. I was also wetting the bed every single night still.

I took the meds for a couple of months. During this time, I set a timer to remind me to take frequent bathroom breaks, and I had to stop work frequently to avoid getting so focused that I'd wet on myself. I wanted so bad to retrain my muscles to use the toilet. Because the meds lessened my urges, I was able to have slight progress. It was not good enough, though. I still had to depend very heavily on the diapers.

Though I was not nearly where I wanted to be, there were some things happening that gave me some hope. I was on the lowest dose of medication during that time. I wonder if things will work to the point of me being able to get out of diapers and wear underwear if I am given some sort of therapy to help me build my bladder muscles back up (I am sure they have somewhat atrophied because I completely relied on diapers for seven years now.) and the dosage of the medication is increased. That is why I am going to see a urologist.

I am really nervous about this. I am also scared of being let down. I know that taking the medication is only a temporary fix and that I will eventually end up where I am right now, back in diapers and very disappointed, but I just want to enjoy underwear and being normal for a little while. It has been so long since I wore underwear that I forgot what it feels like. I also somewhat forgot what it is like to use the bathroom on a regular basis, so I will have to relearn. It is going to be like I am potty training again. I have to get used to using the toilet instead of using the diaper. It is going to be very difficult at first because I am going to have to take scheduled bathroom breaks to work on daytime toilet training. When that is mastered, I can then work on nighttime toileting, if it can be achieved. Like a toddler, I am going to have to get out of diapers slowly, but I will not get rid of the ones I have left. I am going to keep them for when the meds stop working down the line. Diapers are expensive, so I will not trash them. I do hope, however, that I will not need them for several years.

There are surgeries that can temporarily correct overactive bladder. I say temporarily because they often have to be repeated, especially in the case of the Sacral nerve Stimulator. Or, the surgeries fail after a period of time, like in the case of the surgery that is used to increase bladder capacity. Also, the side effects of these surgeries are extremely serious, and from what I had read, the risks outweigh the benefits. Not to mention, special maintenance is required lifelong. There is a bladder removal surgery, but I am so not willing to have my bladder taken out and replaced by a bag that is similar to a colostomy. Forget that! I do not want to get out of diapers that bad that I severely change my life for the worst. I love to swim. I love making love, and I love so much else that will be ruined, if I were to consent to bladder removal. So, no way!

I thank God that my husband is very supportive and understanding of me during all of this. It really helps because this is a very difficult thing to live with, especially because society makes it so taboo. He lovingly takes time to listen to my concerns, and that really means a lot to me. His love and support makes coping a lot easier. God has blessed me with a fabulous mate who understands me and loves me for who I am. He is encouraging me to get help and do all that I can, and he told me that if things did not work out, he would not be upset. I am glad of that. My husband told me that so long as I tried my best that was what mattered. I will certainly try my best.

He has always been supportive and understanding, even before we were married. My husband and I have been best friends going on ten years. He has never judged me or thought negatively of me because of my incontinence. When we first became friends, I tried to keep it a secret from him. I never intended for him to find out, but he did on accident. When he did find out, he handled it quite well. He was so noble and kind about it. Sometime in the future, I will share the story about how he found out about my problem.

I will keep all of you updated about what happens at the urologist, as well as let you know about my progress.

Common Potty Training Statements Offend (A True Story)

"You are going to be such a big girl when you finally learn to use the potty," said my friend as she was bringing her three year old daughter to the pot to sit on it. I was standing over at the fridge to get out a TV dinner that I would be eating for lunch. It was meatloaf, mashed potatoes, and corm. It has always been a favorite of mine. I stopped preparing the dinner and just stood there with it in my hands. I was taken aback by this statement she made to her daughter.

"Wait a minute. Why did you just say that?" I asked kind of hurt.

"I am just trying to encourage her to use the potty," said my friend.

"By lying to her?" I asked.

"I am not lying to her!" she shot back.

"Yes you are because diapers are not just for babies and being able to use the potty does not make you all grown up. I wear diapers, and I am an adult who is a professional business owner and powerful blindness advocate. And there are stupid immature adults who can use the potty who act like children and do nothing with their lives but sit on their butts and collect off other people's tax dollars. At least I am industrious and give a darn about earning my own and doing my part to contribute to society. Some baby, huh? I really am a stupid baby because I have to wear diapers? I hate the way society programs kids to think. Nobody is all grown up just because they can take a piss and a crap on the pot. Wow! Some qualifications to making one an adult! I am afraid it takes much more than that."

I did not give her a chance to answer. I dropped my TV dinner on the counter, not caring about eating anything at that point. I put on my slippers, and I stormed from the hotel room. I ran as fast as I could with tears streaming down my face. I was forgetting everything that I was taught about crying in public. I grew up knowing it was a very shameful thing to do and that one should keep the emotions in check in front of others. But this hurt too much. Fortunately, nobody was in the hall, except my friend who was completely blind (I honestly did not know she was there, until she called out to me. That was a real surprise.). She would not have known I was crying because I made no sound. The tears were the only indication of my crying.

"What's wrong," my friend asked. She was standing over at the elevators. "I know it is you, Reina, because I can hear your footsteps. Why are you running? Who or what are you running from?"

I got my voice in check and then said, "I am hurt right now. I hate the way people lie to their children to get them to use the potty. I hate it! I hate it! Saying statements, like "Diapers are for babies and using the potty is for big boys and girls." is so freaking stupid! It is stupid I tell you! It should be just as bad to say these statements, as it is to say racist comments. That crap should be considered hate speech." I was rambling on, but I just did not care. I was glad she was blind because she could not see the tears coming down my face, so I technically would not have violated what I had been taught. I did good to disguise my voice, so it would come out in an angry tone and not give any indication that I was crying. I am good to putting up that kind of front, you know?

"Do you want to talk?" she asked.

"Yes," I said, and my voice was barely audible.

We went down to her room. She was another floor below mine.

"So, what happened?" my friend asked. "Why are you all upset?"

I relayed the entire experience to her. She sat and patiently listened to me. She was a really good sport.

"I can understand how that will upset you."

"You do?" I asked.

"Absolutely," she said. "I understand that it made you feel inferior because you have a medical problem that requires you to wear diapers, and you are far from a baby. I can see how those types of statements about diapers being for babies and the potty being for big people would offend you."

Whew, I was so glad she understood. I was glad she did not judge me or write me off, thinking I was crazy because those things upset me.

"Do you want to go to the bar to eat and have a few drinks?"

"Yeah," I said. "But, I have to go back to my room to get my wallet and things. And boy, is my friend going to be happy to see me."

"I'll go with you."

"That may be a good idea," I said. "I do owe her an apology. I really did freak out on her. It was not her fault. She was only doing what society does to teach and motivate children to use the potty. She did not know any better, and she especially did not know it would offend me. Oh, I feel so bad."

We walked down the hall together to the elevators, and then we went to my room. I put the key in the door, and we both went into the room.

"Vonnie," I called to my friend. "I owe you an apology. I am so sorry I freaked out on you about the potty training thing earlier."

"Don't worry about it," she said.

"Are you sure?" I asked. "I really blew up at you. I mean, you did not know it would hurt me. After all, you were only doing what society programs parents to do to help children learn to use the potty and feel motivated about doing it. You were only following the propaganda."

"Yes, after I thought about it, I understood why you felt so bad. You know what you should do?"

"What?" I asked.

"You should go online to that support group you go on, and you should talk to them about how to deal with things like that. I think it would help you to talk to others who have to deal with the same thing and see how they handled it."

"I like that idea," I said. "Thank you so much."

"No problem. I am trying to help."

"Thanks, Vonnie," I said.

I went over to the desk where my computer sat, picked up my wallet and my bag, and I walked to the door.

"Vonnie," I said. "I am just letting you know I am going down to the bar to get some drinks. After that, I am going to hang out with some friends, eat some food, and probably go out shopping or something. If you need anything at all, call me."

"Okay."

We left the room. Boy was I so relieved that my friend understood. It was not like I was trying to be mean or anything. I understood she was only trying to help her daughter and was doing what she knew, but those statements send up rage inside of me. I wish they could never be used again. I find them to be dishonest and hurtful. The only way that such statements can stop being used is by not only educating the public about the condition of incontinence and how such statements make us feel, but we can also give people alternatives that will help encourage the children all the same that will not be so offensive.


Alternative Praises for Children Learning to Use the Potty

Wow! You did it! I am so proud of you!

Way to go! You are doing great! Keep up the good work!

Wow! You used the potty! Good work!

that is how you use the potty! See how good you've done! Awesome job! Let's see you keep on doing it.

If you keep using the potty and can stay dry, we will go and pick out your favorite underwear. You can pick out your favorite cartoon character or favorite color.

Do you know what all five of these alternative praises have in common? The phrases, "You will be a big boy or big girl." "Diapers are for babies and underwear is for grownups." or "You will soon be all grown up." are omitted. These alternative praises allow the child to feel encouraged and good about what he or she is doing, and it is all being done honestly without using phrases that continue to nurture the stigma of incontinence.

Potty Training Children without Using Comments That Are Offensive to Incontinent People

Nothing makes me madder than for people to say that children are now big boys or big girls for using the potty. Why does it make me so mad? Well, because it is so far from the truth.

I find such comments to be offensive. I can understand that parents need to encourage their children during potty training; however, I feel that potty training encouragement can be provided without having to lie to the kids. Yes, telling kids that they are now grown because they are using the potty is a lie. Sure, it is what most normal adults do. But what is not being considered is that there are many intelligent adults who are far from being babies that need to wear diapers to manage a medical condition.

I've potty trained a number of children, and not once did I have to resort to telling them that they are wearing big boy or big girl underwear or stupid stuff like that they are all grown up for using the potty. I've used other motivators. What I've done is as follows:

*Made potty time special by providing toys and books that can only be played with while on the potty.

*Used a whole lot of praise.

*Used potty treats and potty prizes.

*Played potty games to help pass the time and make things a lot of fun.

*Made the bathroom a comfortable place, such as by providing soft andfluffy rugs to keep the kids from having to walk on the cold floor, using a soft toilet seat, and making sure the temperature in the bathroom is tolerable.

I am pleased to say that all the children I've worked with have responded well. I plan to use these methods on my own children also. Never do I want my children to be fed the trash that diapers are for babies only. I want my children to be tolerant of people with all sorts of medical conditions. What's more, I want them to know the truth. I want to be one who contributes to making a stigma free generation. A stigma free generation will make life easier for individuals with incontinence.